Football is harsh

The BBC's Phil McNulty, echoing Pat Nevin, has today's news from Chelsea well summed up: "It is a sign of the cut-throat nature of the modern game that a decent, dignified man [Avram Grant] is sacked three days after missing out on club football's biggest honour by the width of a post and on the Premier League title on the last day of the season." Next up, it'll probably be Gus Hiddink at Stamford Bridge, then.

Meanwhile, well done to Queen of the South for a superb performance in the Scottish Cup Final. After a disappointing first half, and back at 2-2, they might just have snatched it from Rangers. But it was not to be. Congratulations to Hull City, too, for nabbing next season's automatic relegation place in the English Premier League.

Life is harsh. Football no less, especially in the upper eschelons.
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Tight at the top

Yes, I know, I shouldn't really... being a 'real football' aficionado, the lure of the Big Four in England should be kept at bay. But I will shortly be down the pub watching the travails of Manchester United and Chelsea. Since Munich and '68 were among my earliest major football impressions, I want United to win the Champions League. But it would be quite satisfying if Chelsea pipped them for the Premiership, not least because I told my friend Jim Smith that they were still in with a shot weeks ago, and he dismissed the idea. {He was right. But only just}

Talking of the millionaire set, Rangers gained a mightily undeserved win over Dundee United yesterday, much as I shall be rooting for them in the UEFA Cup final against Zenit (managed by ex-'Gers boss Dick Advocaat) on Wednesday - my goodness, they're even showing it (a match featuring a Scottish team!) on telly down here in England. There's a refreshing change. Even if it is ITV, and something called "contractual obligation".

But I digress. I share Lorraine Kelly's phone-in outrage at the penalty and offside decisions going against Dundee United. Let's hope Hibs get a better rub of the green, so to speak, against Celtic. It's 0-0 on 13 minutes, as I write.

Now, back to fitba'-type football. Congrats to Dumbarton's U-15s. I'd rather be watching them. Honest.
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Paying the penalty

I've long had a suspicion that we might see a Barcelona-Chelsea Champions League final - which should be good news to Manchester United and Liverpool fans, given my established predictive shortcomings. United now have to stop Barca scoring at Old Trafford and get something themselves. However, they have not been helped by Cristiano Ronaldo showboating at the penalty spot yesterday. Trying to side foot into the top right-hand corner is the sort of thing you do on the training ground, not in a vital match like this. Confidence can segue into arrogance when young players' minds are turned by inflated acclamations of their own brilliance, it seems.

The perils of the spot-kick are also highlighted in a new report that appears this week, implausibly enough, in the academic journal Scientific American Mind. English footballers missing penalties and women doing badly at maths could all be down to historical stereotyping rather than innate inability, according to researchers.

A new report by psychologists at Universities of St Andrews and Exeter (I first noticed this one in the local paper) argues that success or failure at work, school or in sport is not always down to lack of ability or incompetence. Instead, they suggest that the power of stereotypes can cause poor performance when a person believes they should do badly.

Professor Alex Haslam of the University of Exeter explained, "The power of stereotypes should not be underestimated. What we think about ourselves - and also, what we believe others think about us - determines both how we perform and what we are able to become."

The report, published on 22 April 2008, argues that the roots of poor performance lie partly in the preconceptions of how well a certain group (usually relating to gender or nationality / ethnicity) should perform certain tasks. For example, one reason why the England football team performs badly in penalty shoot-outs (winning only 1 out of 7 in major tournaments) is that performance is impeded by a history of failure.

We think it, therefore it happens - a psychological mindset takes over which overcomes those given the responsibility of discharging the fans' dreams.

This won't be news to Sven Goran Eriksson. When he was interviewed some months ago by Gabby Logan on the BBC's Inside Sport, he said that the one thing he would have done differently during his tenure as England national manager would have been to employ a professional psychologist to assist with preparation for penalty shoot-outs.
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Making some Cup history

Ah well, Aberdeen didn't quite make it a win over Celtic at Pittodrie in the Scottish Cup today, and face an uphill task at Parkhead for the replay. Hibs also got dumped by Rangers. So the Old Firm are on course for the Final yet again. My wish, as always, is that others will get their moment in the limelight, as did Hearts and Gretna (facing a real survival tussle right now - good luck to them) back in 2006. Still, down south things have been looking rosy for those of us who fancy an underdog or two. The FA Cup has been dominated by 'the big four' in recent years, but with Barnsley completing a stunning double over Liverpool and now Chelsea, Portsmouth beating Manchester United and Cardiff knocking back Middlesbrough, there will be just one top division side in the Semis for the first time in a hundred years. Only League One Bristol Rovers failed to turn the prediction tables against Championship West Brom this afternoon, getting thumped 5-1. Pompey must now fancy their chances something rotten. But don't bet on us having seen the last cup shock. And 'mon Dons, in spite of your rubbish PremiumTV website, you had a good EUFA Cup run and deserve the chance to turn over the Bhoys in that replay.

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Black and white but no Grays

What is the Football Association on? First, they decide to arrange the FA Cup semi-finals for Wembley, to pretty well universal derision, given the fact that "getting to Wembley" for the Final is historically and practically a big part of what the whole lure of the competition is about. This simply devalues it, especially as teams outside the Premier League have done stunningly well this year, and at the very least one of them will go all the way.

Then, even more bizarrely, they rule that non-league Grays Athletic FC must pay £14,000 to their former player Ashley Sestanovich, who has been convicted with conspiracy to rob and imprisoned for eight years after a heist in which someone was murdered. Grays terminated Sestanovich's contract prior to his conviction but the FA's judgment means that unless they pay the player's wages for the preceding five months they could face suspension from all competitions. Bonkers.

Stellar son-of-Grays Russell Brand (pictured), whose Guardian footie columns I love, has it well taped here. He writes: "Whilst I acknowledge that the FA has no power to override employment law I think they have an obligation to be supportive to Grays Athletic at this time of crisis, [and] giving them 14 days to pay this fine or risk suspension seems draconian. It is a malevolent gardener who so unthinkingly condemns his lawn. Instead of administering the Baby Bio they're out there blundering about in stilettos."

Now try 'If Keegan's a messiah I want the cockney Moses.' Mind you, if Elijah turned up at NUFC the Toon Army would complain, and think Shearer's cat had more prophetic nous.
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Havants frighten the haves

Congratulations to Blue Square South non-leaguers Havant and Waterlooville, who gave a superb account of themselves at Anfield in the FA Cup this afternoon, scoring twice (a goal from Potter deflected off Martin Skrtel and a close range header by Richard Pacquette) against the mighty Liverpool, before going down 5-2 to a Benayoun hat-trick and a blatantly offside Peter Crouch effort at the end. Back in the 1960s and '70s, when my footballing passions were ignited, the gulf between professional and part-time or amateur teams was such that you expected massively unequal contests. These days, the improvements in technique, tactics, fitness and training all round mean that while there is still a huge chasm between Premier League and non-league, there is also surprising quality in the lower echelons of the game - often of a kind which takes mega-wage stars reel. Given that sheer determination can often compensate for lack of finesse (if not the magic conjoured up by sheer class), the key differences are usually in overall stamina, the number of mistakes made, and a certain positional or organisational naivete on the part of the minnows. However, Havant undoubtedly played out of their skins today, taking the lead twice, grabbing a significant chunk of the first-half action, and showing that they more than deserved to breathe the Kop air alongside many of their heroes. This is indeed "what the FA Cup is all about."

Name that Toon

As someone from Newcastle United remarked on the BBC earlier today, the appointment of Kevin Keegan as the Magpies' next manager will be greeted with euphoria on Tyneside and a certain degree of puzzlement elsewhere. A triumph of adrenalin over calculation, but who knows - it might work. Just imagine, a devil-take-the-hindmost approach thwarting the posterially retentive ProZone Premier League technocrats. Football feasts of "stranger things" happening. One of which will be the appearance of Blue Square Conference South side Havant & Waterlooville rolling up at Anfield to face the might of Liverpool in the Fourth Round of the FA Cup. The non-league side, two divisions short of the Football League, have just turned over Swansea City (League One leaders) 4-2. The third goal came from Tom Jordan, son of Scotland hero Joe, glancing the ball past Dorus De Vries from Brett Poate's cross from the right. Congratulations to them. If only some of the excitement had rubbed off on BBC1's live FA Cup game, Manchester City against West Ham, which was ground out by Sven's men 1-0. Snoresville.

A bit of a reality check

As I write this, I'm watching Newcastle on the ropes against lower division Stoke City in the second half of what is turning out to be an energetic FA Cup tie in poor conditions. I'm no huge fan of the Toon (whose whingeing, "we should be bigger than thou" stalwarts can grate on the nerves), and I have less time than I used to for manager Sam Allardyce - not a terribly appealing character, though you have to admire his grit. A few years ago at Bolton he entertainingly observed that "I might be taken a bit more seriously if I started pronouncing my name Allar-dichy". Well, yes. But the FA were still not wrong to conclude that he's certainly no Fabio Capello, who in turn, having now witnessed two error-strewn and often scrappy Cup matches, including a poor Aston Villa - v - Man United encounter, must have some clues about the poor environmental influences on his putative England stars. Talking of reality checks, if Newcastle fans think swapping Allardyce for the managerially untried and constitutionally unimaginative Alan Shearer will solve their problems, they need their heads examining, as Richard Williams astutely observes. Meanwhile, Stoke have left the Toon Army beleaguered again. Newcastle never looked like winning. Big Sam will have to hope that the board read The Guardian.

On a winger and a prayer...

[This is a slightly edited version of an article first published in the Heavitree & District News, Exeter, on 3 December 2007]

Concerns about the next England football manager seemed light years away when I returned to the game’s grassroots at Heavitree Social United two weeks ago. But thankfully the pitch was in better shape than the one at Wembley during that match against Croatia many would rather forget. It also cost a 500 millionth of the price, according to my calculations.

For those who don’t know, your local team’s ground is just behind the Social Club in East Wonford Hill. Admission is a round pound, there’s an all weather wooden stand, and their three sides play in the Devon & Exeter Football League.

As Exeter City were away at Histon (I’m a season ticket holder at St James’ Park) I decided to take in a top-half Premiership clash between Heavitree and Clyst Valley on a nippy Saturday afternoon. Games start at 2.15pm at the moment, because there are no floodlights, you’re guaranteed a grandstand view, and you can get back in time for Final Score on BBC1.

Having seen off Pinhoe last time, the Heavies were on a bit of a winger and a prayer against Clyst, who wound up 3-0 victors. The wingman in question was 16-year-old Sammy Gedye, whose father Phil, a well-known local painter and decorator, I was standing next to.

Sammy was in the middle for the second half, when Heavitree, who had more of the ball before the break but didn’t do much with it, were on the ropes. Some good skill, huge determination, goalmouth scrambles, and one or two random first touches summed up the game.

All very different from silly money ‘big time’ football for sure, but great fun, as the 46 people and a dog who saw this would testify. Catch the Heavies at home on 22 December 2007 against Feniton if you can. See you there, perhaps.

{Pic courtesy and (c) of David Bauckham at Pyramid Passion}

Football at the grassroots

No live football for me this weekend, so I find myself watching the BBC1 TV broadcast of a gutsy Second Round FA Cup tie between part-timers Harrogate Railway Athletic of the Unibond League One North and Football League Two strugglers Mansfield Town (founded in 1897 as the Mansfield Wesleyans). All mud, mouth and mix-ball, but good fun for that, and with no little skill. Mansfield are cruising to a 3-1 win as I scribe, so they can banish memories of their humiliation against minnows Stockton in the same competition in, er, 1952. (As I write this, Harrogate claw another goal back. The curse of Barrow strikes again!)

Talking of which: when I was a kid, growing up in Chiswick and then Kew, my parents had friends with the surname 'Mansfield', which meant that Barrow versus the Stags fixtures became an occasion for friendly rivalry - well, between the two young boys, anyway. Barrow sadly dropped out of the League in 1972, at the expense of Hereford United. They currently have a supporters' wall project - and as I think of them as my third team, along with Southall, I might contribute. It would give me great pleasure if they could make it back to the Blue Square Premier and full League status eventually, and I really ought to make a trip to Holker Street, Barrow-in-Furness, at some point. Maybe a journey break on the way up to Dumbarton.

Meanwhile, Mansfield have secured a 3-2 win against a Harrogate side described as "excellent" by Mark Lawrenson (for once, I agree with him) and are now heading for a Third Round away tie against Brighton (my abode for a few years until 2003).

Talking of football at the grassroots, last weekend I took in a game at Heavitree Social United, down the road from me and in the Devon and Exeter League Premier. The whole glorious story ('On a winger and a prayer') is told in the forthcoming issue of the Heavitree & District News. I'll post it here when it's published.